(The reason why becomes clear at around 1:50...)
A - Age: 41 (but sometimes in the 1-3 range)
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: So many to choose! Random selection: folding laundry
D - Dogs' names: None presently
E - Essential start your day item: Kiss
F - Favorite color: Blue, usually
G - Gold or Silver, or both: Whatever
H - Height: 6'3"
I - Instruments you play: Harmonica, guitar, bass, dulcimer, some piano
J - Job title: Software engineer
K - Kid(s): A 7yo son
L - Living arrangements: Pretty blue suburban house with wife and kid
M - Mom's name: "Mom"
N - Nicknames: Moose, Mel
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: ear tubes and a tonsillectomy, both when I was 4. Also slept on cots in hospital rooms when my wife had her C-section and my son had his appendectomy
P - Pet Peeve: When I put both of my middle names on a form and some bureaucrat decides to drop one of them, like I'd included the second one by mistake or something
Q - Quote from a movie: "Have fun storming the castle!"
R - Right or Left: handed:right; wing:left
S - Siblings: 2 brothers, 1 sister
T - Time you wake up: 7:30 usually
U - Underwear: Depends! (Ha ha. Actually I far prefer other brands, or cloth diapers, and most of the time I'm just wearing jockeys.)
V - Vegetable you dislike: Lima beans
W - Ways you run late: Oversleeping, or getting distracted by the computer
X - X-rays you've had: Teeth, broken arm, sprained wrists and ankles, abdomen
Y - Yummy food you make: Thanksgiving
Z - Zoo/favorite animal: Gibbons are fun to watch
One day in 1992, my wife (we'd been married about six months) called me at work at around 11 AM and said, "Sweetie, you should come home for lunch today."
"Just... trust me on this."
So, at noon I drove home, wondering what was up, and she had lunch waiting for me on a tray on the living room floor. She sat me down to eat, picked up the remote control, and hit Play on the VCR, and a pretty girl was on the TV screen, wearing nothing but a diaper below the waist, uncomfortably but bravely explaining her fetish to some dumb-ass interviewer I'd never heard of before named Jerry Springer. My wife never watched talk shows, but she'd randomly flipped channels at just the right moment, caught the beginning of this one, and immediately started taping it for me.
Some of the show was stupid. There was one guy on who was either an idiot or he'd been lied to about what the panel was discussing (or most likely, both). He kept vociferously arguing against things no one else was advocating--clearly the producers had only put this guy on the show because they wanted a fight to break out. But most of the guests were fine, and that girl at the beginning, as nervous as she obviously was, just knocked my socks off with her composure and grace. (I've always kinda wished I could meet her and tell her so.) Other guests included Tommy from DPF, and the late HeidiLynn.
I still have the tape somewhere, but it's been years since I watched it. But then yesterday I found out that the show has been put online, right here!
We've sure come a long way since then. The web existed in 1992 but hardly anyone had heard of it. alt.sex.fetish.diapers didn't exist yet, even the #dpf IRC group hadn't started up by then. So many people still thought they were completely alone in the world. That show must have done a lot of people a lot of good, even with the idiotic parts. It was very nice to see it again.
(Except for the 1992 hairstyles. In God's name, what were we all thinking?)
I knew it all along:
Inside the Baby Mind
I've been under a lot of strain this past past week, for various reasons too boring to get into.
I've noticed a pattern in myself at times of major stress... I turn into a bit of a control freak, and get taciturn and withdrawn. I'm utterly uninterested in being playful or silly or sexual or anything. Kind of a jerk, actually.
Then, sometimes, if the stressful period goes on for too long, I'll get rather childish, not entirely in a good way. Part of me wants to change into a diaper and baby out, and the other part of me is still being controlling and doesn't want to admit that I want any such thing. So I don't act on the desire. I sometimes even, very stupidly, start to feel resentment toward my wife for not somehow reading my mind and knowing what I want and making me wear a diaper, and get very whiny and annoying. (In really extreme stress situations, like after my father died or when my wife first got pregnant with our child, it's gone so far that I actually lost control momentarily and regressed--like the baby side of me saying yes, you WILL pay attention to me, RIGHT NOW. One time I even had a public wetting accident.)
Of course, nothing like that's happening to me this week. I'm completely in control.
So a little while ago I was reading a post on dailydiapers, and a woman AB was saying that when she's dropping into little mode and she needs to let her partner know but doesn't feel able to say so verbally, she'll suck her thumb (or, in public, bite the tip of her thumb) as a signal. And I was thinking that I'm not really like that. And then suddenly I noticed the position I was sitting in at that very moment... laptop on my lap, right hand on the trackpad, tip of my left thumb in my mouth. I have no idea how long I'd been sitting that way!
It's interesting to realize I can regress in subtle ways without noticing it.
I think I should mention this to mommy so she can watch for it in the future. :)
I also think I should probably go get a diaper on and nip this stupid cycle in the bud.
I was having fun and wasting a little time with this "Create A South Park Character" toy I found online. The character I came up with for myself didn't quite capture the true inner me, though, so I had to do a bit of extra tweaking...
Update: hmm... maybe just a little more tweaking...
Over on the dailydiapers board, I posted something today that I thought I might expand on and crosspost here.
Someone had mentioned that his girlfriend was perfectly accepting of his interests, and even willing to participate with him... but it wasn't working for him, because he had these overwhelming feelings of self-consciousness. It reminded me of how my wife helped me start to get over my old feelings of shame, back when we'd only been married a few years....
( Into the wayback machine, Sherman!Collapse )
Today I told babymako about a dream I had a while back, and he asked if he could post to LJ about it. I said sure, go ahead. But then it occurred to me that there wasn't any reason I couldn't post about it too...